Divorce may be forever, but if you have children, so is your relationship with your ex. It is not easy to share parenting duties, and if you and your spouse have had a particularly nasty or contested divorce, this will be all the more true. This, however, is all the more reason to go into the divorce as clear-headed as possible. Just because your marriage is over, does not mean that your shared parenting duties are. There are several important questions to ask yourselves as you are going through a divorce to help put into perspective how you will move forward raising children together. All are kid-centric and generally include:
When you are getting divorced, there are a myriad of things to think about. Finances, of course, are one of them. When you are preparing for divorce, making sure that all your financial affairs are in order will not only to help the process itself go more smoothly, but can also help foster the beginning of your newly-single life. Securing your financial future while you are still married can help to build your confidence as you negotiate other (sometimes more emotionally-draining) aspects of divorce, such as the family home or childcare. You can also rest assured if your finances are under control that, even if you were not the primary breadwinner in the family, you will still be financially stable after dissolution.
There are several things that you can do to help ease the financial transition of divorce. The first is to make a budget. This may seem elementary, but no matter what, the first step toward financial independence is to make sure that your expenses are balanced with your income. Knowing where your money is going is essential—it may be easier to think of it as a spending plan instead of a budget. Having an emergency fund will likely be a good idea as you just get on your feet toward financial independence as well. Ideally, this emergency fund should be enough to cover three to six months of your expenses.
When you are dissolving your marriage, it is not official until the court issues a divorce decree. A divorce decree legally separates you from your spouse and lays the outline for what will happen with your shared assets and childcare plans, if applicable. A divorce decree is different than a divorce agreement, as a divorce agreement outlines the expectations and duties of each party after the divorce.
While some states mandate that a couple must wait for a specified number of days between filing for divorce and signing the agreement, Illinois is a bit different. In Illinois, a couple must be able to prove that they have been living separately (this can be in a shared residence) for a minimum of six months before a divorce decree will be granted on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. Other divorce grounds may not apply such a separation period.
While affairs are becoming less cited as the number one cause of divorce, one partner’s infidelity in a marriage is still very much a factor that can lead to the dissolution of a marriage. Because of the high emotional stakes involved with an extramarital relationship, affairs tend to create more excitement or stress during a divorce than other reasons for separation, according to Psychology Today. Yet, the vast majority of relationships in which one partner was unfaithful do not end solely because of the affair—the relationship was not healthy or stable to begin with. There are plenty of examples in which an affair was the catalyst to end a struggling marriage; but in nearly all healthy marriages in which one partner makes a serious mistake and has an affair, the couple is able to work through the issue.
So why do people have affairs? And what can one partner do in an effort to avoid being put in that situation?
Divorce is difficult. Divorce with kids is even more so. How you tell your kids that you and your spouse are getting divorced will have a lasting impact on both how they accept the news and your future relationship with them, independently and together. Presenting a unified front—even if you and your soon-to-be-ex are pretending to be united—is essential. In addition, there are several other things you can do to ease your child into the news of your separation.
The first is to ensure that all your planning about the future has been laid out. This means speaking with a family law attorney to determine custody and visitation arrangements. You should also have a schedule arranged, so that the child is well aware of what his new daily life will be like. According to Psychology Today, children—especially young children—do not deal well with change or transition. Children rely exclusively on adults to help them understand and make sense of the world around them; a sudden upheaval, such as divorce or separation, can throw their world into chaos.
An order of protection is a serious legal tool used for people who are in abusive relationships, invoked to keep the abuser away and ensure the safety of a family at risk. It is meant to provide a level of security in potentially dangerous cirumstances.
A petition for an order of protection can be filed against any family or household member who has committed acts of domestic violence against you or your minor child. Any high-risk adult with disabilities may file a petition for an order of protection against his or her caretaker who has abused, neglected, or exploited him or her. If a person is living or employed in a private caretaking facility in which he or she has been neglected or abused, he or she is also eligible to file an order of protection.
It is important to note that the order of protection can only be filed against a family member or member of the household—although anyone may file an order of protection on behalf of a minor, even if he or she is not a family member. A household member includes a spouse or ex-spouse, anyone with whom you have an intimate relationship, a child, someone related by blood or marriage, or personal assistant / live-in caretaker. It can also include someone with whom you have lived in the past.
Establishing paternity of a child is important for several reasons, both emotional and financial. The most obvious financial reason to prove a child’s paternity is to qualify for court-ordered child support payments. In most cases, without proof of paternity a court will not be obliged to require child support payments. According to the Cook County State’s Attorney’s Office, once paternity is established, a child has legal recourse and rights. Among these are insurance benefits, veteran benefits, and social security benefits, when applicable. Without proof of paternity, a child may not be able to qualify for half of the state-sponsored money to which he is entitled.
There are also health reasons that a family would want to prove paternity of a child, according to state officials. Among these is the family’s ability to access health records that can reveal genetic dispositions to certain diseases or conditions. Without a paternity test, doctors may miss crucial information to treat and take care of patients.
Getting a Divorce is never an easy process. Contested divorces, in particular, can be stressful and emotionally demanding. Disputes often arise when spouses cannot agree on property division, child custody, or child support. Another common hurdle for new divorcees is adapting to an unfamiliar lifestyle. Spouses must manage new bank accounts, cope with living on a single income, and deal with the often painful reality of losing a marriage. This article will discuss a few coping strategies for new divorcees.
Adjusting to a New Financial Life
According to Fox Business, financial considerations should be a top priority for divorced and divorcing spouses. For some, getting used to living on one source of income can be challenging—especially if one has to provide for children or elderly family members.
With so many complex laws, financial burdens, and emotional hurdles, divorce is never an easy process. While it may be hard enough when two people end their marriage, the breakup of a family with children can be even more arduous. In particular,'child custody and child support agreements involve a number of intricate laws. What happens, however, when neither parent can provide for the child?
Every divorce case is unique; therefore, it is helpful to seek the advice and help of a legal professional. Family members may seek guardianship or custody'of a child because they feel neither biological parent can look after the child's best interests. In these cases, a qualified attorney can explain how a family member may be able to legally pursue guardianship or custody.
The Illinois court system determines custody and guardianship based on the children's best interests. Most cases result in at least one biological parent retaining custody of the children, and often, both parents will share custody. If neither parent is willing or able to properly care for children, another family member or friend may file for guardianship of the children. Under Illinois law, filing for guardianship is much easier and available in more situations than filing for custody.
When parents decide to divorce, how they handle it and the family changes, including custody and visitation arrangements,'that follow can strongly impact how well a child adjusts to those changes. Will the child still feel secure despite those changes or will they feel as if their whole world is falling apart?
One of the areas which can be the hardest for children of divorce is that they now have two places to call home. Two houses, two beds, two set of rules, two toy boxes, etc. Often, along with these 'two' of everything, comes a change in routine. Their time may be equally divided between Mom and Dad's homes now, or they may have certain nights and every other weekend with one parent, depending on what type of child custody agreement parents work out.
In order to best help a child with this transition, parenting experts suggest taking an active approach to the new situation. While the specifics of every case are unique, there are certain steps the parent who is establishing a new home can take to make his or her child more comfortable in two homes.
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